June 12, 2012 lo di vico che non posso dire la minima parte di quanto provo

Mamma mia. I don't really know what this email will consist of. Vediamo.

It's really weird. It has arrived. The end of this crazy incredible difficult wonderful joyous amazing 19 month adventure. 

Granted, I hope to continue being a missionary the rest of my life, but we all know it's a lot different from what just happened to me. 

What just happened to me? It's weird looking back. Time is weird. It has flown yet I feel like there was nothing before this. This is my life. It seems it always has been my life. Like it always will be. 

Like the title of this email says, I don't really know how to describe what I am feeling. 

President Wolfgramm once said "If you want to arrive at the last day of your mission and have no regrets, you better have regrets every day. That's repentance." I think I'm there. No, I know I am. I know I was not the perfect missionary. There were things I could have done better every day. But the Lord has been merciful and has allowed me to better myself continually. I have no regrets.

I feel blessed. Above everything else, I am blessed. So incredibly blessed and the Lord has been so incredibly merciful with me. I had to bear a "dying testimony" at our zone meeting on Friday. I had no idea what I wanted to say, but the think that came out as what I've learned and my advice to other missionaries was "Let Him change you." Mamma mia, how the Lord has changed me. I will never be the same. My life will never be the same. It will not be what it was before. Most of you might not recognize me when I come home this week. The changes that have happened to me on the mission are deep. They are eternal. And I am so grateful.

If all the success and miracles I have seen on my mission had not happened. They were the means through which the Lord has changed me. If I have left nothing else here in Italy, there is something so incredibly great that I am taking with me. I have learned what it truly means to be a disciple of Christ, to feel His love for me and others, to see others as He sees them, to desire for their happiness and joy and salvation as He does. I will always be a disciple of Christ. And that is what I am taking with me into the rest of my life from this experience. 

I have lived as a true authorized representative of Jesus Christ for these last 19 months. I have invited people to come unto Him and repent to be able to enjoy the blessings that come from forgiveness. They are real. They are many. I myself have truly learned that repentance is NEVER a punishment, but one of the greatest blessings God has given us. The means by which we become more like Him and our Savior. They love us so much and desire for everyone to enjoy the peace and happiness and complete joy that comes from true and lasting repentance. A repentance that is only possible through the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. If you're not living it now, I invite you to do it. Do it NOW. The adversary laughs at your misery that comes from disobedience to the commandments of God. Repent. If you don't know how, call the missionaries. They can help you. If you are not living in harmony with God's plan, you can never feel of his lasting peace. Make the changes necessary now to be in complete harmony with His will. He will shower the blessings down upon you. 

I love this gospel. I took it for granted for most of my life. But now it is my life. It is true. It is real. It is the only way for us to return to live with God and have an eternal state of happiness. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the only true and living church upon the face of the earth. It is guided by Christ himself through His living prophet, President Thomas Monson. The Book of Mormon is the convincing evidence of these truths and the word of God. God is your Heavenly Father. He loves you. Christ is His son and knows you perfectly and what you are suffering in this very moment. Trust in Him. Come unto Him. He will make your burden light. He will heal you.

I really don't know what else I could or want to say. I was reading this morning in Alma 26. I love this chapter so much with all of my heart and found myself in it as I was reading it this morning. So I just want to share some of Ammon's words with you. I will skip around and change some things... bear with me. It's the only thing I can do to express what I feel. 

"Behold I say unto you, how great reason have I to rejoice; for could I have supposed when I started from the land of Utah (ha) that God would have granted unto me such great blessings? And now, I ask, what great blessings has he bestowed upon me? Can ye tell?
Blessed be the name of my God; let me sing to his praise, yea, let me give thanks to his holy name, for he doth work righteousness forever. 
I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for  in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles I have wrought in this land, for which I will praise his name forever. 
Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and I have been an instrument in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work. Therefore let me glory, yea, I will glory in the Lord; yea I will rejoice, for my joy is full; yea, I will praise my God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of me? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.
Now when my heart was depressed, and I was about to turn back, behold the Lord comforted me, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Italians, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success. 
And I have entered into their houses and taught them, and I have taught them in their streets; yea, and I have taught them upon their hills; and I have also entered into their parks and piazze and taught them; and I have been cast out, and mocked, and spit upon, and doors slammed in my face; and I have been chased out and taken by the arm, escorted to the elevator, had the police called on me; and through the power and wisdom of God I have been delivered again.
And I have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps I might be the means of saving some soul; and I supposed that my joy would be full if perhaps I could be the means of saving some.
Now have I not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never was a woman that had so great reason to rejoice as me, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name. Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of me, wanderer in a strange land.
Now, my family and friends, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen."


Vi voglio bene tutti. 

Sorella Forbes

Pictures: Me and Sorella Padula in Siena and with our Branch mission leader's family.